If you're my friend on Facebook or Instagram (I figure the few people reading this blog probably are), you've already seen more pictures of my adventures than you probably cared to this summer. I did a lot of fun things. And if I were a high school freshman, my "How I Spent My Summer Vacation" assignment would probably read something like this:
My summer began with a visit to Atlanta, Georgia, where my whole family attended my brother Brian's wedding. I was a bridesmaid. It was fun. After school let out, I taught acting to some cool kids at camp. I spent the rest of my summer reconnecting with friends (and making a few new ones) over lots of drinks and tasty food. I also spent as much time in water and sunshine as possible. In August, I took a semi-spontaneous trip to the Northwest. I camped and climbed mountains and ate more tasty food.
Boom. Eight sentences. That constitutes an essay to most of my students.
But in between Instagram posts, I actually did a little more this summer than relaxing by water and drinking cocktails (though I did do both of those things any time I had the opportunity). The truth is, this summer was the first time in a very long time that I have actually taken the time and energy to really catch up with my emotions and focus on improving my mental and spiritual health.
Somewhere around my birthday, it dawned on me that I have essentially been in some form of transition for all of my 20's. From the vast uncertainty and general craziness of the college years, to striking out completely on my own in DC, then Seattle, from interning to freelancing, to moving back across the country and living with my parents again, to having my first real adult relationship, then breaking up, to moving out of my parents house, to another new job, another boyfriend, another new roommate, my first year teaching, another breakup, another move...
My 20's brought big changes, major growth, and serious pain. Being a highly sensitive and deep-thinking kind of person, I did my best to process each new turn as it was happening, but I may have caught some whiplash along the way that didn't quite heal as well as it would have if the rest of the road had been a little less bumpy. So this summer I made a commitment to put on my "I'm-30-and-can-finally-afford-to-pay-a-therapist-because-I'm-a-big-girl-now" pants and deal with some of my crap.
So what did I do over my summer vacation, you ask?
Well, let's see... I started cleaning out some deep, emotional wounds that I've let fester for a bit too long. I processed through an unhealthy relationship, and began to imagine what it might look like to forgive and release someone who hurt me profoundly. I owned up to relational failures, mistakes, and losses that were weighing me down. I began to recognize and let go of some expectations, lies, and insecurities that have kept me from living a full and happy adult life. I started counting the blessings and dwelling in the joys of the single life instead of wishing away good time. I faced fears, I prayed, I read, I journaled, I CRIED. I grew. A little older. A little stronger. A little more at peace with myself and the world.
And now I'm ready to go back to school and be an emotionally healthy mentor to some highly sensitive, deep thinking, change-seeking teenagers.
But maybe just one more afternoon at the pool first??
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